Chapter VI
Separate Ways

   A few days had passed since my encounter with Nervanael. I was regularly reading the news, fearing that the next one would be as bad as the previous. Of course, I was the only one to consider them as "bad" news: Danërael was now comfortably chairing at the head of the Realm, and had explained why he had used violence to access this rank; according to his sayings, the Angel population needed something extreme to change their habits, and since using diplomacy had failed, he had forced his way up. Everything was now forgiven and it did not matter much to the people that the entire Council was dead. They were now free to go on Earth as they pleased, without the fear of consequences. Since I was a guardian Angel, I always had the permission to go down on the surface, but it wasn't as easy for anyone else. Now though, the Earth had become a big playground or a resort for bored Angels.
   I threw the paper in the corner of the room and sighed. The house was extremely messy, due to the fact that Mivelris and I had been searching for anything to sell: there were two days left for us to pay the rent and we were still three hundred zalès short. I hadn't eaten anything in twelve days, slept hardly ten hours or so in that same period and I felt so dirty I disgusted myself. We had been out of water for way longer and there was less than two inches of hyxémel left in the metal barrel. I pretty much walked around the house in old Altacian clothes to spare the ones I had. We were in deep trouble.
   I heard a knock on the shabby-looking door Mivelris had made us, and went to open. My roommate landed in, and let himself fall in the chair.
   --- Seventy-four zalès, he said angrily. I got seventy-four zalès for it.
   --- For the record player or for the entire thing, including the records? I asked, nervously.
   --- For the whole lot.
   I lowered my head and sat on the floor. I had expected not less than a hundred zalès for our record player.
   --- The guy said that the needle was broken and that the mechanism was full of dust. I tried bargaining, but he wanted to give me sixty at first! I had to invent a bunch of lies to get a better price.
   He leaned his head against the blue fabric and closed his eyes.
   --- Are you feeling okay, Miv? I asked, worried. You look pale.
   He shrugged and instinctively massaged his belly. When I first met him, he was a lively and healthy lad with a strong appetite and brilliant turquoise eyes. But now, he had lost a lot of weight, and he was showing signs of illness. Fearful, I grabbed one of his purple feathers and it stayed in my hand without any resistance. They were tern and dry.
   --- Miv, you're losing your feathers. I think you're sick.
   He emitted a feeble laughter.
   --- Heh, so what if I'm sick! We can't afford any medicine. And I have to go work at the engine rooms in an hour. No room for a disease.
   Surprised by his dark sarcasm, I didn't answer.
   He then tried to get up, but out of strength, he tripped on the carpet and I caught him just in time, before he could fall flat on his belly. He was burning with fever and in his fall, he had lost a good dozen of otherwise solid feathers.
   --- You can't go working, Mivelris. You stay here and I'll try to find something... anything.
   I looked at the red Altacian carpet and shook my head.

*****

   I got a mere hundred zalès or so for my carpet. It's true that the colours were starting to fade a bit but this was the carpet on which I had played on for so long, the one on which my older sister and I always napped in the afternoon, when I was just a little baby Angel. It didn't deserve this end, down in that smelly pawn shop.
   I was so sad and crushed that I can't remember the moment I put it on the counter nor the trip back home. I was blank.
   Mivelris was still lying in the suspended chair, breathing hardly. He had removed his beloved hat and he was covered with sweat. I rushed up to him and shook him vividly. He opened his eyes and smiled at me feebly.
   --- Okay, that's it, I'm going out to buy medicine, I said.
   I was about to head outside but he caught me by the arm. His hand was frozen.
   --- No, no, I'm okay. And besides, we can't spend the money we've saved.
   I sighed, freed myself from his grasp and rushed outside, with the few zalès we had, for the rent.

*****

   Five days had passed. Mivelris wasn't getting any better, and I had long given up searching for a job. I had to stay home with my friend, to give him the prescribed dosage, and to take the time to think of a solution. Fortunately, Dulciane came as often as her waitress job allowed her to, and she even brought what we needed the most, like water and hyxémel. With her around, I felt a little better, but it was Mivelris who enjoyed her company the most. She was so sweet that I couldn't help but wonder if Yui had a soft side too. I missed her so much... I wanted to see her, to tell her that all of this wasn't her fault. It was Danërael's fault. He was to blame.
   --- Hey, Saelius, are you okay? asked Dulciane, seated near my roommate, who was sleeping.
    The doctor at the clinic assured me that he only had a bad flu and that he would be up in no time, with the right medicine. The only problem was that the side effects knocked him down completely, and the lack of food didn't help much. This was the main reason he got sick in the first place, anyway.
   --- Yeah, I'm okay. I was just thinking, I answered.
   Dulciane sighed and shook her head. She was still wearing her restaurant uniform because she came here right after her shift. Time seemed to pass by so slowly it was driving me crazy. The curtains were shut and not a single draft entered the apartment; the air was heavy and full of disease and boredom; it was as if time was frozen.
   Dulciane was pouring some water in a metal mug when three hard knocks were banged against our door. Startled, she let go of a shout and spilled water on the floor. She eyed me nervously and I got up to open the door: two Angels dressed in austere navy blue suits were flying at the entrance's height, visibly annoyed by the lack of balcony. They immediately landed in the house without greeting me and I closed the door behind them, wondering what the hell they were doing, entering MY apartment like that.
   --- Hey, can I help you with something, I asked, impatiently. Dulciane hadn't moved from her spot, still holding her cup tightly.
   --- Are you Saelius Lalsaria? asked one of them, quickly looking at the sheet of paper he was holding.
   I frowned and answered suspiciously:
   --- ...Yeah, that's me. What's wrong?
   They glanced at each other with disgusted eyes and one of them said:
   --- We are here to inform you that you neglected to pay this month's rent at the Office of Habitation, and are hereby expelled from this property.
   It took me a few seconds to react.
   --- ... Wait a minute, that's a joke, right?
   The one with the paper cleared his throat and glanced around at the amazing shabbiness my apartment had to offer. I was wearing old Altacian pants with a loose cotton tank-top and my hair was particularly dirty that day. In fact, I looked more like a poor loser than ever.
   --- I'm sorry, but this is far from being a joke, said he with a condescending tone. Here is your expulsion notice. Unless you agree to pay the rent within the next forty-eight hours, you are forced to leave this habitation. Probably for the best, anyway...
   Dulciane put her mug on the desk and took a step forward. She was bombing the two Angels with her blood-red eyes and she said:
   --- Since when are you expelled when you fail to pay the rent for the first time? Don't you get like, a last notice?
   I wanted to tell her that the last notice I had received six days ago was actually the third one in a week, but I decided to keep my mouth shut, just to see what the two morons had to answer.
   --- Things have changed since mister Mischav arrived. There are no such things as "second chances" anymore. Pay or leave.
   My heart was running laps in my chest. I was going to be expelled from my home! This was awful! I was so powerless I wanted to throw up. I felt sick.
   --- Thank you, I said with a shivery voice.
   --- Shebvar, mister Lalsaria. Thank you for your collaboration.
   They exited and I closed the door but as soon as I heard its edge banged against the wall of the house, I turned around and made it explode with a surprisingly strong beam of white magic.
   It flew into pieces and the neighbours one house down yelled some insults at me.
   I sat down on the edge of the entrance and buried my face in my still smoking hands. I felt Dulciane's fingers on my shoulders and simply exploded into tears.

*****

   --- The house with the red turbine on the top, you say? asked the stronger-looking movers of the gang. I nodded and helped them put the last crate in the huge wooden basket they were carrying. I signed some papers and made sure I hadn't forgotten anything.
   I sighed and glanced at Mivelris who was absently playing with his hand-made, solar-powered clock.
   --- Well, I guess this is it, I said dully.
   He didn't react and kept on packing his things.
   --- You know it doesn't have to be this way, mate. You know you can stay here, he said, dully.
   --- Sure, and you'll be the one going back to Notabalquo, with your lung infection, while I stay at Zhankiel's house, all expenses paid? I don't think so, Miv. Beside, I have a family in Altacia.
   He sighed heavily and coughed. His "bad flu" had degenerated in a bad lung infection and there was no way I could take care of him alone. Fortunately, Zhankiel agreed to lodge him for as long as it took him to recover and eventually find a job, and perhaps, another apartment. I, for my part, was going back to Altacia in hope to find a job and perhaps a better life. The movers would be arriving there in about a day, so it let me enough time to take care of all the goodbyes.
   I grabbed Mivelris' bag and we took a last look at our little home, remembering all of the moments we had shared in it. We had to leave some stuff in it, because of the lack of space elsewhere. Now it looked strangely big and uninviting: the sun was shining through the big, round windows now deprived from curtains; there were marks of old, dried up dust where furniture used to stand; the hooks maintaining the suspended chair to the ceiling were still there, and it had taken me forever to take the shelves in the corner off of the wall.
   Heartbroken, we left and neither of us looked back.

*****

   Zana was amazed by the quantity of clothing I was wearing at once and Zhankiel was helping Mivelris to the guestroom.
   --- I have to wear those if I don't want to freeze in Altacia, I said to her, while removing my scarf. I was getting a bit hot but it didn't matter; I wouldn't stay here too long.
   --- Still, those are magnificent fabrics! Where did you take the wool?
   --- My family owns a fabric workshop. We raise silk worms, too.
   She looked at me with tender eyes and said:
   --- I can't believe that our little Saelius is leaving... I can't believe I won't see your cute mug anymore.
   Mivelris and Zhankiel came back, and there was a long stretch of silence. I looked a Mivelris, who had rings under his eyes and red cheeks, and put my hand on his shoulder.
   --- You take care, Miv. Get well, and... find a job, have a life, for Heaven's sake! Moreover, take care of Dulciane. I'll miss you, pal.
   I hugged him tightly, rubbing my hand on his back. We didn't dare look at each other; it was too painful. I couldn't believe I was letting everything, everyone I loved behind. I was a loser, a coward, I was fleeing my problems like I always did.
   My Seraphim friend took a step forward: he seemed crushed and I couldn't help but feel bad about all of the trouble I was causing. At that point, I felt my eyes burning with tears. Why did this have to happen? What have I done wrong? How could it have come to this?
   --- Come here, ordered Zhankiel.
   I obeyed and he surrounded my with his muscular arms, almost choking me.
   --- I'll miss you, Saelius, he whispered. You've always been a special student, as well as a special friend. Who thought that an Archangel and a Seraphim could get along so well?
   --- I'll miss you too, Zhankiel, I sobbed.
   I was hacking and sniffing, but it didn't matter. I was truly sad.
   --- You've been a father to me, I continued. Thanks for everything.
   He rubbed my hair with his big hands. I let go from his hold and hugged Zana as well.
   --- This is so emotional, she cried, we should write a book about it...
   I laughed feebly and wiped the tears that were coming down my face with my scarf. Before leaving, Zana and Zhankiel offered me a beautiful gift: it was a fine and long bow made of black wood decorated with silver patterns. There was also the matching quiver with a good bundle of arrows. "So you can practice that lousy aiming of yours," added Zhankiel with a grin.
   I took off with my heavy bag on my shoulder and got ready for my second last goodbye meeting.
   I was going at the Orphanage.

*****

   Ismael was playing with some blocks and piled them up with the only power of his mind. When he spotted me, they fell on the floor and he rushed up to me with a radiant smile. I held him high and hugged him as hard as I could. His smile faded when he saw the Altacian clothes I was wearing as well as the huge bag I had dropped on the floor.
   --- Oh, don't worry, I said with a fake smile, I'm only going to see my family for a few days. I'll come back to see you, don't you worry!
   He eyed me peculiarly, as if he knew I was lying, but his smile quickly returned. He showed me all of the pictures he drew with his new painting kit. I was amused to see them, with all their little childish details. In a way, drawing was his only mean of expression, now that he lost his voice. He never liked writing much but he was a very good student, even though he was only seven. He was smart, very smart and the fact that he couldn't talk gave him a little mystical side, like if he was able to pierce through people's minds.
   He pointed the bow that was leaning against my bag, then asked me questions with his eyes.
   --- It's a gift, Ismael. A gift from a good friend.
   He stared at the fine weapon with disgusted eyes and pulled my shirt.
   --- No, I won't use it, I assured him. Is that what you meant?
   The little Virtue nodded and raised his hands in the air with a smile. I understood and lifted him up above the ground. I was his only family. We were both alone in our little ways. Thing is, I was twenty-one, he was seven and his life was already a bit ruined.
   --- Listen, missevah, I have to go. But I'll be back! You be a good boy until then. Maybe I can trick the nurses and take you to Frasvin?
My "missevah", my little sunshine in the angelic language, pasted his hands on his mouth and held back a laughter. He was thrilled.
   I was crushed.
   I picked my bag and waved one last time at him.
   Once outside, I wondered if I should go to Yui's. Maybe she was with Danërael? And anyway, why was she so important to me? I stopped on the roof of a house and pondered on that question.
   Okay, she was amazingly pretty. And sexy.
   No, no, no! It wasn't only that! It couldn't be!
   I searched more and tried to remember that glow in her eyes. She was serious, cold... and lonely. She wanted everyone to think she was strong but deep down, I knew she was frail and sweet. I was sure of that, sure that she was in need of loving. But then again, she was so out of reach! And with that moron around, there was nothing I could do. Might as well give it up.

*****

   "Stupid, stupid, stupid..." I was saying to myself while knocking on her metallic door. "Stupid, stupid me," I whispered.
   I waited a few seconds and she came to open the door.
   --- Oh, malkeb Saelius! Long time no see! Come in, please.
   I followed her in the great hall, and asked her where I should put my big bag and my bow. She didn't ask question about my newly acquired weapon and only showed me to a walk-in closet.
   --- What brings you here? she demanded as I sat down on a small stool, in her kitchen. I swallowed painfully and tried to avoid her eyes.
   --- Well... as you can see, I'm going to Altacia.
   She put a glass of water in front of me and sat down on the other side of the counter, with her arms crossed. She was smiling. Oh, of all the beautiful things I had seen...
   --- Really! You're going to see the family? That's great! A bit of a holiday can't be bad, hey?
   I was staring at my hands, who were concealed in thick wool gloves. What to do, what to do?
   --- Well, I started, with an unsure tone in my voice, um... see, I'm going back to Altacia. For good.
   For a split second, I thought I saw a hint of sadness in her eyes. But then, it was gone, and with a cold frown, she stared at me. I felt so low, so very miserable...
   --- Are there any reasons for your sudden departure? Is it because of the revolution? Because of Danërael? I thought I noticed you didn't like him very much, she stated with an incredible self-control. Each one of her words hurt like a knife through my chest. I was leaving out of cowardliness, and lack of short-term solution. I had no choice, really. I sighed and stared at her:
   --- Partly... I'll be honest with you, Yui. Ever since this... "revolution" started, it brought me only troubles: since all obligations towards humans are no longer necessary, I---as well as hundreds of other Guardian Angels---lost my job at the Fate Department; Mivelris stopped going to school, and because of our lack of money, he got really sick. We couldn't afford medication.
   I swear, on all of the Angels in Heaven, oh I swear she looked sad. I think it was the first time she realised that there wasn't only good sides to this revolution. Sure, Angels were now free to live their lives without worrying about that "inferior race" that lived beneath us. But if it had been only that... Danërael was plotting something bigger, much bigger.
   --- And you think that by going to Altacia, you'll escape the revolution, she asked, as a last resort.
   --- No. While it might take more time for the people of Altacia to fall under Danërael's control, pardon me for the use of the term, this town is my home and my only refuge. Because, well... Mivelris and I have been expelled from our house.
   She looked away. Perhaps it was guilt. After all, she was my last source of money, and she had let me down. It wasn't her fault though. Nothing was.
   --- What can I say, Saelius, she said, with a discouraged voice. Things are changing, and it might be tough for some Angels, but in the end, it will do all of us some good. I know what Danërael is doing, and I trust in him. I even wanted to ask you if you wanted to join us... you could have your home back. And a bigger one, even.
   I felt sick. But it wasn't long for my convictions to win over the appealing sight of money.
   --- I'm sorry, I answered feebly. I'm sorry, but I might be the only one who doesn't trust this new system. I read the papers, and not only the Heaven's Time, but human newspapers as well: while here it's considered normal to steal water from humans, it's a whole other story down there. Imagine the scene! A small town wakes up and finds its water tower half empty, pierced by a gigantic whole, like if the metal had been melt through! Have we become so selfish, Yui?
   I was getting mad. Really. But she kept listening to me with unfeeling eyes. I continued:
   --- We blame humans for killing Earth, but are we any better? Not only do we steal the resources they steal from the planet, but we let them on their own! How long will the human race last without us? Will they destroy themselves or will they take the planet with them before doing so? Don't forget that this little ball of dirt is our responsibility as well.
   --- You sound like Zhankiel, she said.
   --- Yeah, well, he's always been there for me. Listen... I have to go, the movers will be arriving before I do.
   I got up and she escorted me all the way to the entrance. There was a long silent moment as I picked up my bag.
   --- Well... this is it, I said with a shivery voice. My hands were moist under the fabric and I had a violent urge to take my scarf off. Take care of yourself, Yui.
   She looked down.
   --- I'm sorry about what happened to you, Saelius, she said softly. She seemed honest, as strangely as it seems.
   It was too much. I dropped my bow on the floor and embraced her tightly; she didn't try to free herself so we just stayed like this. I buried my face in her golden curls and tried to get as much of her smell inside my head. I loved her! I was madly in love with her! Why was I going away? I stared at her passionately and put a little kiss right on the corner of her mouth.
   Without a word, I grabbed my stuff and exited.
   When Altacia was in sight, I noticed that the my tears on my cheeks were frozen.

© 2002 Tsuki