Chapter IX
How It Feels

   Sleep. Sleep.
   Sleeping was the only thing to do.
   Did I bother taking my glasses off before going to bed? I didn't know. My hair was still tied, but I didn't care.
   I was laid face down on the mattress, with my wings spread on each side of the bed, like a lifeless waste of space.
   The Earth was only a mere park for us Angels, so running away when times were hard really wasn't such a good solution, since there was really nowhere to run off to. Sleep, on the other hand, was quite the way to set your mind free.
   Or imprison it.
   I only had flashes, here and there. Contracts I had forgotten about were all coming back to me: the kid with leukaemia, the old lady, her cat... Each time I'd been down on Earth was a memorable one: humans were so full of surprises, they were bursting with feelings and energy, unlike us, phlegmatic Angels, stuck on rationality and old principles. They kept evolving and changing, they were so fascinating!
   The surface itself was a total amazement for me: the air was thick, full of scents and noises, and there was nothing I liked more than just seating on a lamppost, watching those little creatures run, laugh and smile.
   Here, the air was empty and cold.
   How many times did I want to reveal myself to humans! I cheated sometimes and gave a little energy boost to someone whom I thought was in need of a good cheering. But always invisible. I was impressed, at one time, by a geeky teenager girl who, from what I felt, had the power to feel auras. She was walking in the park, and immediately stopped to stare at the---visibly---empty bench where I was seated. I waved at her, and she pursued her way.
   She got run over by a bus.
   One of my co-workers got the contract and her soul is still in Paradise.
   No, wait. They emptied Paradise.
   Never would I see them build, invent, modify, improve anymore. They didn't know what was hanging over their heads like an invisible time-bomb. The humankind was doomed, and we would soon witness Earth's biggest inhalation. Yet another species bound to disappear. Now, I was really ashamed of my blood; my hands had the power to kill, they could make a man act against his own will, without even knowing it. Weren't we salvation spirits? Humans had imagined us as beings of light and love, with a golden auras, white robes and all those other holy accessories. No god, no eternal life, nothing.
   And I wasn't even sleepy!
   Moaning and cussing, I threw the pillow on the floor, and forced myself to open my eyes, in order to see what time of the day it was.
   Great, night was falling.
   I turned my head to face the wall, and...
   Wait a minute... there never was a vase on the border of that window!
   Groggy and partly snoozing, I turned my head again: indeed, there was a mass of some sort on the edge of the window. Where were my glasses?! I started shoving the blanket and when I got my hands on my glasses, there was nothing on the window border.
   --- What the...
   I scanned the room, but there was nothing. I thought I heard a squeal. I looked down, and when I saw there was something staring at me, on the end of the bed, I jumped and let go of a gasp. I wasn't sleeping or dreaming.... There was an animal on my blanket! How did it ever arrive up here?! If it was one of Zhankiel's jokes again...
   The critter, not really annoyed by my presence, just stared at me with its big yellow eyes. It had a message rolled at its feet. I made a gesture of the hand, to scare it away, but it casually sat down and started licking its purple fur. What kind of creature was that?
   I quickly grabbed the paper and sat as far as possible from the furry invader. I unrolled the paper and noticed it was Latin. Weird...

"To Saelius:
   If this note got to you, it means my creation does have the power of flight. I thought of what you said the other day, about my acts. As I killed, I thought that, perhaps, to make it up, I should give life. Now no one can bring the dead back to life, so I made an experiment, and you have the result in front of you. Give it to the one you love, as a symbol of my deepest apologies. His name is Kirveh.

---Nervanael"

   I read the note over and over, scratching my head. He truly had a few screws missing... what kind of experiment did he perform to get this thing? It looked like a hybrid between a squirrel and a purple Crayola marker!
   --- Kirveh?
   The creature turned its little head and stared at me with blank eyes: it had big, pointy ears and dark patterns around the eyes; its belly was white, and probably to match its creator's original personality, it had a huge, fluffy tail with blue, orange and purple rings.
   --- This is so stupid, I said to myself. What will I feed it? And what will Yui do with that? Mittens?
   As if he (or it, it doesn't matter, it all comes to the same in our language) understood what I said, he turned around and started licking his paw. Stupid animal.
   But it was indeed made out of magic, earthly, organic magic, and it emanated a strong aura, like Nervanael's. I have to admit, it was very, very cute and its impromptous arrival made me forget about Danërael's plans to destroy humankind. I stretched my arm and petted the little creature on the head. He was so small I only had to use one finger to stroke his short violet fur.
   Suddenly, the door opened and Kirveh let go of a squeal before hiding under the blanket. Zhankiel entered and stopped when he saw that I was awake.
   --- Hey sleepy head, still pouting?
   I didn't have to remind him that he had been the one cursing and threatening to kill half of the angelic population for the hour that followed our return from the assembly. To tell the truth, I wasn't that angry anymore, but I was a bit distracted by the small bump in the blanket, who kept shivering. Suddenly, Zhankiel froze on the spot, and like a dog that just smelled something suspicious, he started scanning the room with his piercing green eyes.
   --- It feels weird in here... or you've grown in power while you were sleeping or you're hiding the Angel-Spirit under your pillow. I know that aura.
   I sighed and lifted the blankets; Kirveh was also frozen on the white cloths and staring at Zhankiel with frightened eyes.
   --- What in Heaven's name is THAT!
   I rubbed my temple and grabbed the little creature by the tail, despite his protestations and attempts at biting my hand---under Zhankiel's flabbergasted eyes. I read the note to my friend, still holding Kirveh by the tip of the tail. After of few seconds of disbelief, he glanced at me, than at the animal. He finally uttered, letting go of his stiff pose:
   --- Crazy... he's completely crazy.
   He then sat down beside me and caressed Kirveh under the chin. Relieved, the animal started to purr.

*****

   --- You're sure he....doesn't bite? asked Zana, looking at Kirveh with fearful eyes.
   I shook my head and patted the animal on the head. He was now sitting on my shoulder, sniffing the air around him and discovering the world he would live in. It's strange to say but with him close to me, I felt... better.
   --- Is Zhankiel in his office, I asked.
   I had taken the time to play with my new friend and now, I wanted to tell Zhankiel something important. With the envelope I had received a few days earlier in my hand, I headed towards the shooting gallery, where Zana told me Zhankiel was.
   The long room was lit by many hyxémel lamps, and nothing broke the sharp noise of the arrows hitting the middle of the target. As usual, I waited for him to empty his quiver before engaging a conversation. After he shot his last arrow, I took a step forward to congratulate him for his flawless aiming.
   --- Practice, my boy! Is there something you wanted to tell me? he asked, putting his bow on a stand amongst other weapons.
   --- Well, there is. You know the letter I received, three days ago?
   Zhankiel invited me to sit on a bench; I then showed him the opened letter.
   --- Yes, I remember. Bad news?
   I shrugged and Kirveh jumped on my knees.
   --- It's not bad or good: we sold the house in Altacia and this is my share of the money. Which means, I'm moving out. It's a good news for you, I guess.
   Zhankiel stared at me with grave eyes and sighed.
   --- Whoever gave you that idea, he said. But if it's what you feel is best, go ahead.
   I shook my head and said:
   --- What's best...? I don't know what's best anymore. I don't want to see the day where the attack will be unleashed upon Earth. I used to think that doing my job, sending souls to Paradise was the best thing to do, but now, I'm lost, I don't have a purpose anymore. Is it normal that I feel so down, when everyone is rejoicing at the idea of destroying humankind, as if it was nothing more than a benign cleaning task?
   My friend patted me on the shoulder; we truly were the only ones left thinking that this entire plan was madness. I was tired, weary, but mostly of all, hopeless. There was nothing that I, a mere archangel, could do to change things.
   --- Let's not give up hope, he said. Danërael cannot be everywhere at the same moment and as we speak, great movements of resistance are meeting in the deepest alleys of the city, in the core, in bars, in houses. And Saelius, if I wasn't a renowned teacher and all of that other executive nonsense, I would gladly take part in those organisations. But I can't. I'd blow the cover for sure.
   I thought he was going to add "you, on the other hand" but he didn't. And even if he did, I'd never join any resistance movement. The one in Altacia was the cause of my parent's death, so I'd rather sit home and let others get killed.
   As if he understood my thoughts, Kirveh let go of a squeal and showed me his back.
   He was right. What a coward I was! Did those selfish thoughts really cross my mind?
   --- Something's bothering you?
   I shrugged and buried my face in my hand. I was ashamed of my own passivity.
   Sitting in that shooting gallery was just like waiting to die.
   --- I'm fine.

*****

   Zana was taking care of arranging things in order to get me a decent apartment, not as deep in the slums as I used to live; she knew someone who was moving out from her house, not too far away from the Academy and she was willing to rent it for rather cheap. I was relieved to learn that my search for a home hadn't taken a turn for the worse; I could set my mind to other matters, such as getting Kirveh to his rightful owner.
   Yui.
   Was I ready to see her, after her confrontation with the Angel Spirit? I had no choice.
   With the note in hand, and the little creature tucked in my neck, under a scarf, I left Zhankiel's house and headed towards Yui's.
   The sky was of a crystal-clear blue, and if it hadn't been for the hundreds of banners promoting the destruction of the humans, it would've looked like any other day. Now that the surface was accessible to all, at the condition to remain invisible, I could catch waves of odours unfamiliar to Heaven: fried fish, fire, chemical dye, spray paint, and all sorts of food cooking. Normally, Angels didn't eat that much in the city, at least not roasted meat! But now, shops were filled with stolen goods from the surface and the citizens freely stuffed their faces with fresh fruits and various earthly food. I couldn't blame them: they felt festive in this period of changes and new ideas.
   I, for my part, had never been less hungry.
   It took several minutes before Yui came to answer the door, but when she did, I immediately understood why: after letting me in, I noticed she was in a very bad shape. Her left wing was badly burnt and the entire exterior was blackened and crippled. Her right arm was bandaged and she had trouble walking normally.
   --- The Angel-Spirit's doing, she stated with a grave voice, as she invited me further into the house.
   If it had been anyone else, I swear, he would be dead right now. I couldn't blame Nervanael... he was lost and confused, he couldn't have known...
   Despite her wounds, she looked as beautiful as ever, with her red dress and her tied hair. She was like a demon with Angel wings, like a sorceress with amazing powers. I was bewitched by her.
   I decided not to wait any longer and get right to the point. While she sat down in one of the couches of the living room, visibly tired by the effort of opening the door, I stayed up, and played with my hands nervously. Kirveh was starting to get excited as well, and I could feel his little paws pressing against the back of my neck.
   Yui did not ask me why I was back in Heaven, nor how I was doing. I felt her mind was somewhere else, that she had a lot to think about, other than me. I felt like she could read my mind, right there, with her incandescent eyes.
   --- Is there something you want to talk about, she asked on a suspicious tone.
   I sighed and wondered what I was getting myself into. I gently took off my scarf, totally ignoring what her reaction would be, picked Kirveh in my hand and carefully sat down beside Yui; she stared at the animal in disbelief.
   --- Yui, this is Kirveh.
   --- What is it? It's so cute!
   I knew for sure that the little animal had some kind of soothing powers, otherwise she wouldn't have been so eager to learn what kind of creature it was; she was indeed a very calculating and sceptical person. It surprised me that she didn't make too much of a deal with having an unidentified being in her house, moreover, one with purple fur and a multicoloured tail. For a moment, I just wanted to lie, and invent a tale to avoid talking about Nervanael; I could tell her this creature was the product of a strange experiment that took place in, I don't know, Jilankev or something.
   But I couldn't. Kirveh was a gift from the Angel-Spirit, a gift that could help him repent for his terrible acts. I had to tell her where it came from. While she was busy petting her newly acquired friend, I cleared my throat and got out the now very used note from my pocket.
   --- I don't really know what it is. But it's a gift, from a very special person.
   She looked at me with less confident eyes. I was suddenly very nervous: there was no turning back now.
   --- It's a gift from Nervanael.
   Her eyes widened, and, probably out of surprise, she threw Kirveh in the air. Fortunately, he possessed some magic and stopped his flight in mid-air, before coming back on my shoulder, frightened. Yui got up and grabbed the note in my hand. She read it quickly and gave me the meanest, most condescending look I had ever seen: I felt my heart melting, not from adoration like it used to, but from shame and sadness.
   --- Saelius, she shouted, what kind of mockery is this? You better have a good explanation for coming to my house and offering me a gift from the Angel that tried to kill me.
   I was tempted to lower my head, like a puppy caught chewing on something expensive, but I wasn't going to let Nervanael down.
   --- This is the truth. Kirveh is a gift from Nervanael. He wishes to apologise for his behaviour. It couldn't be helped.
   I stayed up, as stiff as a rod. I felt like a soldier being interrogated. Yui shook her head in disbelief and stared at Kirveh for a few seconds. She was only inches away from my face and I could feel my heart running laps in my chest.
   --- If it is so, she whispered, are you telling me you know the Angel-Spirit personally?
   She was just waiting for me to answer. Oh, what a devious woman she was...
   --- Yes, I do know him. And I know him enough to say he's being honest with the gift. He truly was sorry.
   She walked away, as if my answer was inconceivable. I could tell she hated when things didn't go her way.
   --- I thought you had more common sense than that, Saelius. I thought you knew better than fraternise with a dangerous maniac like that.
   Those words hurt like a knife in my heart, but I kept cool. For the first time in my life, I was about to stand up to her.
   --- Yui, I started, please, listen to me.
   She stopped pacing and sighed.
   --- Nervanael is far from being dangerous. In fact, he's a very caring person. If he wasn't, tell me why would he have created an animal, only for you? He was sorry, he has feelings. Trust me, I've seen maniacs in my life, and this Angel is far from being a criminal. He was sick, that's all! You can't punish someone because he's sick!
   --- But he tried to kill me, and succeeded in killing four other Angels!
   I grabbed Kirveh and pasted him against my chest; he was the only thing that kept me fighting against her. I didn't want to argue... I only wanted to be with her, to hold her. She seemed to fragile with those bandages, it was almost an impossible sight.
   --- I know, I said softly. I never got to know why he did it. Loneliness did some pretty nasty things to his mind.
   Bending down, she picked up some scrolls unwritten with the new Academy seal. That's when I noticed how messy the house was: there were piles of paperwork scattered everywhere, bunches of clothing here and there, and numerous empty glasses. Visibly, she couldn't get things done properly because of her injuries.
   --- And besides, she added, I don't have time to take care of a pet!
   I smiled feebly: good, Nervanael was forgiven. She at least stopped doubting his good intentions. If she didn't change her mind about Kirveh, I would have to keep him, which didn't bother me one bit since I liked him very much.
   --- I have things to do... papers to file, cities to contact. And to say I can't even fly!
   I bent down and helped her clean up; she was trying to contain her anger, as if it was shameful to be bitter about not being able to accomplish her daily tasks. I couldn't help but find her pouting face cute.
   --- You should take a break, I suggested. You know, just sit back and relax, call friends over.
   She looked at me like if I was a complete retard.
   --- Saelius, does it look like if I have time to do anything else than work? This house is a mess, and I'm not even done with half of the assignments I was supposed to do: I still have to send a list of new administration tasks to Jilankev, calculate the energy needs for the Nemesis, contact Des'Falso to ask the observatory for permission to use their instruments... Danërael expects me to be done within the next week. I hardly have time for myself.
   Such devotion... she must've really liked pleasing Danërael. I wondered to what level got this admiration for him, how far she would go to satisfy his needs.
   She stormed out of the living room, followed by me, arms filled with books and paper. Visibly, my visit was only an annoyance, a stain in her otherwise spotless schedule.
   --- Drop them here, she ordered.
   That wasn't a bad idea; while I was around, why not take the advantage of it and make me do all of the tasks she couldn't accomplish because of her broken arm? That was true businesswoman attitude: take what is given to you.
   --- But Yui, I said, while following her back into another room, hasn't Danërael given you some time off, to heal? Your wounds would disappear faster if you only rested a few days.
   She stopped walking and didn't look back. She sighed, and her entire body seemed to ache.
   --- I cannot. And besides, why are you so concerned by my health?
   What a silly question, I said to myself. But for her to understand what drove me to see her---even though she was a cold, distant and almost despicable woman---it would take more than words. Unfortunately, that's all I had to give, at least for now.
   I put my hands on her shoulder, resisting an overwhelming envy to just lose myself to her; she was stiff, and shaking.
   --- You know, miss Shaonolii, I've seen my friends and my family disappear one by one. All I have left are a few, precious friends. Without them, I don't know how I would've survived.
   There was a moment of silence. Never did she look at me.
   --- I'm concerned by your health, because it's only a normal thing to do. You're important to me and I'd hate to se you go, like all the others. I came to see you, to see how you were doing; am I wrong to presume I'm the only one who did?
   She took my hands off of her shoulders, and replaced her copper curls.
   --- Yui, please...
   --- No, listen to me! This revolution won't organise itself.
   She was staring at me with burning eyes. Come to think of it, she looked like a fireball, and me, like a melting ice cube. Funny comparison, I thought.
   --- Danërael needs me, he needs my skills, my experience. I trust him, he knows what he's doing.
   --- But him, does he care about you? Has he sent you a letter regarding the fact that you, oh, you know, almost died?! Has he come ONCE to visit you?
   She was raging from the inside, it didn't take a genius to see that. Her aura was all shaky, and the way she clenched her fists, like that...
   --- He's busy, Saelius. Is that SO hard to understand? He's busy, he has things to take care of, for the sake of passive, lazy Angels, who are only waiting for things to change. He's important, unlike YOU.
   I was stunned.
   She ran to the kitchen and I lost her sight.
   Was I such a loser to her eyes? Probably so. I had no job, no thousand zalès clothing, not even a house. But I didn't care what she thought of me. I was like that, and nothing could change the fact that we were different, in every way. Love is blind, they say...
   I entered the kitchen, only to find her staring outside, by a round window.
   --- You are still here, she said, coldly. Have you not anything better to do?
   I wasn't expecting apologies, fortunately. I leaned against the door frame, and decided it was my turn to ask questions.
   --- How does it feel, Yui? How does it feel to know that you are the most renowned, admired, solicited Angel in Heaven? I don't know how it feels. All I've seen in my life are fabric workshops and the bottom of the city, under the ring. But you, an imminent Cherubim like yourself, you must know what it's like.    She turned back and stared at me. I didn't want answers.
   --- You are desired. Admired in every way, by everyone. But are you loved?
   Not a blink, no reaction. But after years of service as a guardian angel, it was easy for me to interpret the signs of the soul: she knew I was right.
   --- Leave your house as it is, I added. I'll come back tomorrow and I'll fix you a lunch, perhaps do your laundry, if you have any. Shebvar, Yui.

*****

   After that less than agreeable confrontation, I only felt like chopping my wings off and let myself fall all the way to the surface. Perhaps I would die then...
   Fortunately, I had a pleasant surprise when getting back at Zhankiel's; they were both gone, but a note on the table announced me that I had now my apartment, in the Middle City, at the same level as the floatation ring. It was signed by Zana, and pinned to an envelope containing the numerous formularies I had to fill up. My own house, at last! As she had told me, the price wasn't that high for such a "big" home, located elsewhere than in the slums. That was due to the special "priority permission" she got me at the Office of Habitation; this little piece of paper gave me as much right as any other order of Angel to have this house. Normally, the house, the salary and the job went with the rank in the Angelic hierarchy. Come to think of it, we hardly ran on a flawless system...
   Suddenly, I remembered what day it was... Uslah 38th, which meant Mivelris was on a day off today! Why not pay him a little visit, it had been ages since I had seen him---for real.
   I dropped Kirveh on my bed, and he curled up, put his nose in his fluffy tail before closing his eyes. Since Yui didn't want him, I had to keep him; I couldn't complain though, I like the little thing very much.
   I changed clothes, considered the ridiculous length of my hair, and took a bunch of zalès coins before exiting the house.

*****

   Dulciane's house wasn't that big but it was kept clean and orderly, even with Mivelris around. As soon as I landed on the balcony, I was welcomed warmly by the two lovers. They seemed tired, but happy, and it made me feel good to see them again.
   --- I knew things would turn and you'd come back, said Dulciane while kissing me on the cheek, near the ear---a common greeting amongst us Angels that communicated a strong feeling of affection---and offering me a cup of water.
   I didn't dare say what had really driven me to come back in fear of ruining the day; it was bad enough I had to argue with Yui, there was no need to bring my friends down as well. Mivelris, as joyful as usual, proposed we all go to the Windy to talk a bit, have some fun, like we used to.
   --- I'd love to come along with you guys, added Dulciane, but I have to go work in half an hour.
   --- It's okay hon, said Mivelris, kissing her on the lips, you just take it easy at the restaurant. I don't want you coming back with a back ache like last week.
   Dulciane explained she had a lot more work since a good bunch of workers from the Nemesis construction site went eating at the restaurant on their break, or at the end of their shift. Mivelris put his hat with his goggles on, kissed his girlfriend and we flew off towards the east of the citadel, where the Windy was. The bottom of the city was literally swallowed by grey clouds and it must have been terribly humid down there. The Windy was on the very limit of this wall of mist, so I just stared at the slums, watching bridges and houses disappear behind waves of white smoke. No sound came from beneath us, as if the world never existed past this very point.
   --- Remember when I came home one day, and you were sound asleep, I said to Mivelris, who was just about to enter. It was as foggy as that, and there were clouds all over the house.
   --- Yeah, I remember. Man, that was a long time ago.
   --- Sure was... and to say I found the way to complain when I had a house, a job and a roommate. Now, everything is messed up, I can't even tell how it came to this.
   Mivelris smiled and put his rough hand on my shoulder. When he was around, everything felt easier, like if true happiness was only a smile away. I followed him inside, and we greeted the barman, who was very happy to see us. I didn't feel like having my conversation spied on, so we both got something to drink before moving towards the back of the club, where all the couches were.
   --- So, care to tell me what really brought you back in Heaven, said Mivelris, putting his glass on a chess board, near us.
   Of course, there was nothing I could keep from him; he was like my brother, neither older nor younger, and he was always able to cheer me up, whatever the situation. But this time, I felt I had missed too much, that the world kept spinning despite my attempt at slowing it down.
   --- A lot of things happened since we got kicked out from the apartment, I sighed. Trust me, I would've stayed in Altacia if it wasn't of that... conspiration.
   --- If you don't want to talk about it, I'm fine with it, chum.
   I shook my head and took a sip of the bluish liquor I liked so much.
   --- No Miv, it's okay. I'll have to blurt it out someday. Two months after I arrived, I learned that my parents were taking part in the rebel movement of Altacia, you know, like the ones that appeared all over the Realm? I kind of learned it the hard way... see, during a night, there was a fire at one of the big workshops of the town. I realised that my mom and my dad were missing and were nowhere to be found around the fire.
   Mivelris was hung at my lips and waited for the rest. I swallowed painfully and continued:
   --- There were shouts... panicked people. It hit me that my parents were inside and that I couldn't do anything. The doors were sealed, Miv... it was an attempt.
   --- Djimmeh... I'm so sorry Sal. This is awful. Who was responsible for this?
   --- Danërael, who else. What really breaks my heart is that he bought my brother and made him responsible as well. He killed his own parents, what a jerk. If only he wasn't my brother!
   I took a big gulp and finished my glass.
   --- If it can make you feel better, I know what you're going through, mate. But you have to hang on. When my father got killed in a storm near Needle Cape, I had too much work to mourn and sink in depression. You just got to get your mind off of it.
   I pondered in silence: I never knew that his father was dead. Come to think of it, he had barely ever talked about his family with me. But he was right. It was time to move on.
   --- I just feel so powerless, I said. Every time I get up and look outside, it makes me want to move on another planet, or just live as a hermit, on the surface: I can't stand Danërael anymore! Ever since he was first mentioned in the papers, things have gone increasably bad. First I lost my job, you had to quit school. Then, we were expelled. My parents were killed, the entire family broke up, Yui nearly died and now, he wants to destroy humankind! Why couldn't he just... not exist?
   --- I don't know Sal, you're the fate expert here. But I definitively agree with you: he's been nothing but trouble. If he continues like that, I don't think WE'LL survive.
   --- Uh? Why?
   He got closer to the table and quickly looked around for unwanted spectators.
   --- We're not really encouraged to talk about it, but me and the other mechanics down at the core are expecting something bad: the construction of the Nemesis takes immense amounts of energy from the magic supply of the city. Now, this supply is supposed to serve ONLY two purposes: maintaining the thermal and the invisibility barrier AND providing the engines enough power to keep the city floating. If, by any chance, the core runs out of energy, we either go down or lose our protection to the cold and the humans.
   --- Or both, I said sarcastically.
   Mivelris shrugged and leaned back in the blue couch. So Danërael wasn't all good... if his abuses of the city's magic supplies were known, he wouldn't stand a chance: there's no point in leading a revolution if the consequences imply the destruction of the city.
   --- The engines are pushed to the very limit, added my former roommate. We can barely keep up with the constant failures and it's getting harder and harder to predict accidents. It's like an inferno down there: it's so hot we need thermal suits to actually approach the generators, which are normally hardly warmer than an hyxémel lamp. One of my friends got his arm burned by a jet of steam, when a furnace exploded because of the incredibly high pressure. We spend more time repairing gears, patching pipes and consolidating machinery than actually doing what we were hired for. I swear, it wasn't an easy job before, but now, it's just plain dangerous.
   I had never been down in the core, located under the Academy, far from the reach of citizens. From what I heard, it was no place for inexperienced Angels, as it could get very dangerous around the house-size rotating gears and between the maze of pipes. And it certainly wasn't a job for me.
   --- Yeah, but it's all due to that cannon, no? I asked.
   --- Yup. I've seen it and it's not a very comforting sight.
   --- You saw the Nemesis? I demanded, surprised.
   --- Sure thing. I tell you, it is the single biggest construction Angels ever came up with. It's mainly hidden in Paradise, and only the tip shows, pointing towards the surface. They are using a lot of industrial diamonds stolen on Earth, as well as a vast arsenal of human material. But I have to say, it is quite the enterprise...
   --- If only Angels had that great ambition---for something else than destruction!
   Mivelris sighed and we moved on to another subject. Everything was going fine for him, except perhaps the enormous amount of work he had to deal with. For a moment, it felt like old times; I could picture myself, about five months earlier, a glass in hand, talking with my best friend about the future, about our plans, our dreams. At that time, we were young and full of ambitions, I had a promising job, a house, a family on whom I could count on. We came at the Windy in hope of finding ourselves a good girlfriend, to meet some friends, chatting about exams and school. But things were different now. We, the youth of the Realm, the children of the Academy, Heaven's future, were caught in a revolution we did not ask for, that compromised everything the previous generation had worked for.
   --- I'm turning twenty-two next week, I said to Mivelris, switching the subject all of a sudden. I'll be twenty-two and I feel all I wanted to accomplish is futile.
   --- I know Sal. We're the lost youth of the revolution.

*****

   The night was falling on the city. Kirveh was biting on an apple I bought at a newly opened market and I was slowly packing my stuff again. I had more than enough money to pay the rent for at least three months, so I listed the things I needed to buy to make my new home comfortable.
   --- Well, at least, you don't need a cage, I said to Kirveh, who was seated on a pillow.
   He was a very intelligent creature and he minded his own business most of the time, except when it came to playing time; I just threw a small ball in the air and watched him catch it with his mouth. It was amazing how a being deprived of wings could fly so well, without any effort.
   A new suspended chair, a bunch of lamps and lanterns, a barrel of hyxémel, water, a mirror... what else... hooks for hanging my clothes, a new hair brush since I forgot mine in Altacia...
   Never mind. It was too much to remember and beside, I felt my eyes closing against my will. It was more than time to get a few hours of rest: the next day, I was going to pay Yui another visit, so I had to look good or at least, feel fresh. I didn't know if she would forgive me. Bah... even if she didn't, I would go see her anyway.
   I removed my shirt and threw myself on the bed. Kirveh hopped on my back and trotted all the way to my pillow, before licking my ear affectionately. I stroked his soft fur and he laid down beside my face, ready to go to sleep.
   I was going to settle this thing with Yui once and for all: if she clearly rejected me, I would give up. If not...

*****

   --- You're quite a busy guy, snickered Zhankiel the next morning, as I got ready to see my beloved Yui.
   He was seated in his favourite chair, reading the papers and sipping on some coffee. The news were always the same: reports on the progress of the Nemesis' construction, news about rebel groups attacking official buildings around the Realm and sometimes, warnings concerning the oh-so dangerous Angel-Spirit, now classified as a mass murderer.
   --- I have to say, added my friend, this coffee thing is rather addictive. I wonder why the humans like it so much: it doesn't even taste good!
   --- You have to put cream or milk in it, Zhankiel, I said dully. And sugar.
   --- Oh, that's why...
   I laughed and told him I would be back before the end of the day. I let him take care of Kirveh for me and exited the house, feeling strangely nervous. It was all decided today...

*****

   I was relieved to see that her house was still as messy as before. I couldn't tell if she was happy or not to see me so I just followed her inside, without asking questions.
   --- Now, she started, you're telling me you are willing to do my chores, do my dishes and my laundry---in other words, be my cleaning lady---for free?
   --- Yeah, why not, I said, trying to remain calm.
   She stared at me with disbelieving eyes and said:
   --- You're one strange Angel... but I could use some help.
   She got back in her office and let me take care of the rest. Okay, first off, the laundry! I gathered all of her clothes---and accidentally fell on her most intimate pieces of clothing---and threw them in the designated pool, along with some soap. I felt a bit ridiculous doing her laundry, like that, but on the other hand, it was to help her. There was no room for complaints!
   The afternoon went on and I managed to finish her cleaning, her laundry and her dishes in a record time, all while humming old Altacian songs. She sometimes stopped by to see how I was doing and immediately got back to her work. At the end of the day, I was done so it was time to fix her a little surprise: I had brought with me a box containing fine aromatic tea I had bought at a market, along with some chocolate, straight from one of my trips on Earth. Those were rare treats in the Realm and I was lucky to get my hands on some---for free. I prepared her a little snack and put the water to boil; in the meantime, I got out two cups and a plate to put the chocolates on, as well as a white candle and a tray to bring everything in the living room. I was extra careful to put the right amount of cream in the tea, and when I was done, I headed towards the living room with my tray in hands.
   --- Yui, can I disturb you for a second, I said, knocking on her office's door. She came to open and rubbed her eyes, looking very tired.
   --- What is it, she said.
   --- I fixed you a little lunch. I hope it's okay?
   She smiled and glanced quickly behind her.
   --- You're very kind, Saelius. Now, if only I could find my pen, I'd sign this letter and I'd come right over. I've been looking for it for the past ten minutes!
   I giggled and pointed above her ear.
   --- It's right on your ear...
   --- Silly me, she laughed, heading back to her desk to sign a long sheet of paper. She then followed me all the way to the living room, rubbing her neck as if it was numb and aching.
   --- My, I wasn't expecting that much, she exclaimed, sitting down on a couch. Are those chocolates? By Heaven, do you wish to see me as fat as a whale?
   --- Oh come on, I said, pouring the wonderfully good smelling tea in her cup, as if there were any chances of this happening. We have genes on our sides: even if I tried, I couldn't put on one single pound. I'm built like a stick. So eat up, chocolates only come once in a while.
   She laughed and took a sip of her tea, a delighted look on her face. The sun was setting outside and a pleasant, warm light filled the room with an intimate atmosphere. For a moment, I felt so close to her, it was as if we knew each other since forever. But now wasn't the time to try a foolish move: I had to be careful not to mess things up.
   --- You're an excellent cook, admitted Yui. And I thank you deeply for the help you've provided me with: I couldn't have finished my work without you.
   I looked down, feeling embarrassed but thrilled at the same time. Perhaps she had a soft side, after all. In any case, she sure loved sweets...
   --- Try the cherry one, I said, pointing a round shaped chocolate.
   --- Mmm, this is delicious! How do you know human food so well?
   --- I love humans. I went on the surface countless numbers of times and I took the occasion to try all sorts of different food, from all over the world.
   She didn't seem to realise the link I was trying to make with Nemesis. It didn't matter though... the last thing I wanted was to argue once again.
   --- My back is killing me, she said while moving her shoulder. Since I can't use my wings, I feel my bones and muscles aching, demanding some exercise, some relief.
   --- Sit on the floor, I said.
   She obeyed and I sat right behind her, on the couch.
   --- May I? I asked, cracking my fingers.
   --- Oh, go on, it can only do good.
    She undid her collar and exposed her neck and a part of her shoulders. I filled my fingers with an infinite amount of magic, just to get them warmer than usual: I then pasted my hands on her neck and started massaging her soft skin. I could feel her neck muscles tightening under my touch.
   --- You're good, Saelius, she whined, leaning her head forward.
   This must've been THE single, most sensual experience in my life. I don't know how I managed to stay sane while running my fingers on her neck and shoulders while the only thought of her made me want to...
   A knock was heard on the door.
   Yui quickly replaced her shirt but did not need to get up: the guest had already set foot in the living room.
   It was Danërael.
   I simply stopped breathing and watched my evening fall into pieces. Yui looked simply joyful to see him. Of course, he was holding a beautiful bouquet of yellow roses in his hands and was dressed like only the most important Angel in the Realm could've been dressed.
   --- Malkeb Yui, he said with his sweet voice. Oh, malkeb to you too...
   --- Saelius, I said on a cold tone. Saelius Lalsaria.
   He took a moment to ponder.
   --- Ah yes, I remember now. Hey...I knew your face was familiar! You are Simiel's brother! He's been quite an admirable ally, lately, he added, just to smite me.
   I didn't know if he said this to make me think about the events in Altacia. He probably laughed at me from the inside, hiding his cruelty behind his elegant, gold-framed glasses.
   --- And I'm sorry if I didn't come sooner, my dear Yui, he whispered, taking the time to observe her passionately, almost amorously. I've been rather busy and probably have you. Um... was I disturbing you?
   Yes, of course, you stupid moron! What a jerk! Interrupting MY massage and MY evening with her! Oh, if it hadn't been of her, I would've killed him on the spot!
   --- No, said Yui while getting up, not at all. Please join us, Saelius has made some excellent tea. Won't you have a cup?
   Satisfied, Danërael sat down on the other couch and put his bouquet on the table. Yui trotted all the way to the kitchen, to get him another cup.
   --- So, Saelius, started he, you are not following your brother? I could get you a nice job at the Academy, along side with me.
   --- No thank you, I retorted, staying awfully calm. I'm not fitted to be an assassin.
   Danërael smiled and leaned back in the couch, just as Yui was coming back with the cup and the spoon.
   --- Ah, thank you, he said while serving himself a big cup of the tea I had made for HER and HER ONLY. I was just talking to Saelius about some job opportunities.
   --- That's very nice of you, Dan, added Yui, like if he was the kindest person in the Realm. Perhaps you could help him find something? He has all of the Guardian Angels' formation. You are looking for a job Saelius, are you not?
   I nodded shamefully: this was the most embarrassing moment of my life; there I was, like a jobless bum, begging for another chance.
   --- Yes, I am.
   --- Perfect then! shouted Danërael, clapping in his hands at the same time. I have just the thing for you. You used to work at the Fate Department?
   --- Yes...
   --- We are in great need of Guardian Angels like yourself, he added. We are recruiting soul workers from all over the Realm and inviting them to join our team. Of course, since we need all the help we can get, we're encouraging every Guardian Angel to aid us in our work.
   Yui smiled at me and put her hand on my shoulder.
   --- Doesn't that sound great, Saelius?
   --- Yeah...it does, I said, reluctantly.
   To tell the truth, I wanted to disappear under the carpet, to run away forever. The evening had gone so well! Why did he have to arrive?!
   It was getting late, I had promised Zhankiel I'd be back before the night, and it was already dark outside. But I did not want to leave Yui with Danërael: I was afraid they'd do... something together. Maybe she truly loved him... who knows?
   --- I'd...I'd better go, I said, promptly getting up.
   Yui was a bit surprised but she got up as well and headed to the hall, to wish me goodnight. She was already ahead when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
   --- You better watch which side you're on, said Danërael, with a menacing look in his eyes. You wouldn't want anything to happen to your close friends, would you? I suggest you seriously consider my job offer, I'm sure you'll find what you've been looking for with me. You know what happens to those who don't.
   --- I despise you.
   He grabbed my chin and smiled deviously.
   --- I know.
   Raging and moaning, I turned around and almost ran to the door, where Yui was waiting for me. I was simply blinded by anger and it took me everything I had to avoid breaking into tears.
   --- Are you okay? she asked.
   --- Yeah, I lied, I'm fine. A little bit tired, but okay.
   It was rather dark in the hall: it felt very weird.
   --- Thank you once again for visiting, she said with a soft voice. I'm glad to have you around, you're a very devoted friend.
   I smiled feebly and I swear, for an instant, I felt like a gust of wind was sweeping my heart away and taking it to the most beautiful place ever. It was just right.
   --- You better get back to your guest, I whispered, grabbing her warm hands.
   --- I will. Take care Saelius.
   --- You too, Yui. We may not be able to see each other for a certain time, so I wish you good luck with your projects...
   Now.
   --- ...And I hope we'll meet again soon.
   --- It's not like we'll lose contact forever, she replied, with a smile.
   --- I'd hate to, I said, getting very close to her. She had her hands on my hips and I felt strongly attached to her, as if our auras were somewhat connected.
   --- I don't know what I'd do without you... I added.
   I put a kiss, a very soft kiss on her lips: it made no sound. In fact, nothing did.
   I left. The moon was high above the clouds and lit the city with a bluish light. Since I wasn't that far from the highest part of the city, I flew all the way to the tallest tower and once seated on the roof, I started crying.
   It was decided.

© 2003 Cab